she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
