R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
okay pat passed out under dana's car
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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