thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
