i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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