Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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