Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
