Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
