I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
