Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
