I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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