You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
