Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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