You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
