I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
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Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
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I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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