Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
