Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
