i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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