Me too!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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