How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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