period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
