The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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