So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
