Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
