Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
