I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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