No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
