Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize