The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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