He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
