you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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