I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
