your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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