haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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