Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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