Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
