i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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