you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
