Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
