You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
farters have to be the big spoon...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
