I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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