So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
