so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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