What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
