Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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