Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize