dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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