dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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