I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
