So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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