his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Sacagawea was the original milf.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
