Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
