Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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