try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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