do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
