**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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