He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
