in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
