I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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