worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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