i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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