Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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